snow adventure!
On a dark and stormy night,
(and by dark and stormy I mean sunny and warm, and by night I mean
afternoon) mike and I were traveling up into the wilderness to come
to terms with our very existence as man. The story begins when we
hopped into the back seat of a brown sedan 
and grabbed a walkie-talkie so that we would be able to give orders
to whoever might be on the other end. Unfortunately for us, that
person was Kenny with his former girlfriend Heather driving (and
man is she a crazy driver). They were taking point position on this
particular journey since they were the only ones who had any idea
of where we were headed, so mike and I conceded to merely order
everyone else around. Mike and I first decided we needed to have
secret ops names. Rectal leader stayed in front as mike and I settled
into our new code name, poontang leader. Since we had the walkie-talkies,
it was only fair that we were the leaders and the rest were followers.
We kept mostly to the streets, carefully weaving our way though
the Charlie all around us. 
A
few times we had to instruct rectal leader to pull a tactical maneuver,
compromising our position although momentarily. Eventually, we entered
more varied terrain 
and we began the grueling 6000 ft ascent. After hiding on the side
of the main thoroughfare for a few minutes to allow enemy activity
to die down, we got a bit of action when rectal leader shouted,
"move, move, move!" over the comm. We grabbed our chance
and lunged out ahead of another patrol close in pursuit. Luckily
for us, the mountain air over Saigon was thick with the mists of
the ancients, and we lost them in the hazy mess. "Bloody hell,"
I whispered into the blanketing void, "I can't even see the
tops of the trees."
We were traveling along side a steep ravine, 
and one wrong turn would be the end of us. We neared base camp,
and as we sent rectal leader to scout ahead, we became separated
momentarily by avoiding another patrol. Luckily, we found each other
after a few compass measurements and some more work with the walkie-talkies.
Those damned things were coming in handy. We setup camp before nightfall
and had a chance to scout out and secure the premises before eating
our simple meal, 
which was still better than the crap they feed us on base. Then
we went out side to check on things and it started to hail, so we
knew there was only one thing to do. Go sledding. Luckily, there
were many sleds in multiple colors, shapes, and sizes, making it
necessary for experimentation. After a few trial runs down the paved
road covered by a quarter inch of hail, mike found that he liked
the orange disk sled while I preferred my green traditional sled,
both hand crafted from the finest plastic vacuum molds around. 
I found a loge technique worked best, although it shot the most
snow and ice up my pants. Later, mike and I ended up waist deep
in snow, though our clothes weren't the best for the climate, and
we took the hill our cabin was on with a barrage of snowballs. Eventually,
the threat of hypothermia and frostbite forced mike and myself indoors
for a magical evening of iron chef and freaking the crap out of
Heather with my body pillow, which I hump routinely. Dance
bop-it was also played with much gusto. Luckily, I temporarily
renamed my body pillow from Excalibur to Kenny, and proceeded to
fornicate with it while calling out its name, thoroughly traumatizing
both the real Kenny and Heather. (notice they were never far from
the hand cream...) Mike and I continued our asshole routine until
sleep came.
